you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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