turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
