I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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