I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
