i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
