This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
