I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
