You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
