I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
