i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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