my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
