as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
