so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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