Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
