In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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