Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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