He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
