Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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