im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
