Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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