that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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