i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
