i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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