I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
