Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
