can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
