I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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