He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
