True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
