My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
