Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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