He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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