Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
