By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
