sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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