For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
