About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
