he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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