I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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