no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
