My nipple is on Facebook.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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