Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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