Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
