So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
