it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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