Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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