I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
