He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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