I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
