dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
