Will you blow on my dice?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
