Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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