I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
