see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
