So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
