I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
