I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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